Why would you want to have a US keyboard? - Part 2

...so yes. Apple decided to relaunch their approach to a keyboard, got rid of the "let's make an antfarm display out of your dust, skin cells and spilled beer" design and got all sleek, sexy and made the keys all weird like the regular Macbook. After some cautious browsing, it turned out that Apple dropped the ball on the wireless front -no full-sized keyboard and I had to stick to the wired version. No problem there, I had used a wired Logitech keyboard since I got my Macbook, and I was pretty much comfortable with the risk of tripping over a wire and potentially using my Macbook as a very expensive projectile at that point.

However, the question loomed again.

Before even daring to walk into the maws of the ignorant Macstore blackshirts, I triple-checked the website. Not only did the dutch Apple site advertise the new keyboard in the US International layout, the online store had a plethora of different international layouts available, shipping in 24 hours.

Needless to say, the Macstore had nothing but the Dutch layouts on display. I felt in a very familiar place, but not in the right one.

I queried one of the blackshirts. He frowned, and asked what a US International layout was. I explained this. He just stared at me as if I asked him to hand over his liver, just for giggles. He then argued I might want to try the "regular" keyboard instead. I explained that, coming from the PC world (i.e. the other 95% of the world), I was far more comfortable calling the US International keyboard a "regular". he looked at me as if I wanted to buy a Mac with Windows Satan preinstalled, and told me he'd ask about this. After conversing with his colleagues in front of me, they had decided on their alibi: I was not allowed to buy one.

Excuse me?

I asked why this was the case. Apparently, I was not a US citizen and therefore not entitled to a US International keyboard. I argued that this was probably a mistake, since PC vendors had no trouble selling me a keyboard like that. They argued that my nationality barred me from having a foreign bank account (I wonder how expats handle that in his chain of logic) and that I would not be able to get one. I conceded that maybe the retail stores might work like that, but surely this was a strange policy if they offered the keyboard on the Dutch online Apple store. This was waved away with the statement that I'd be asked for a US account upon ordering, so his story was , in his lovely unicorn world, solid.

I left the store, vowing never to deal with their batshit insane logic again and left for another Mac store across town. This was another piece of comedy gold in the wait.

Since this store was a bit more off centre, the three employees were all behind the same cashiers' iMac, obviously bored out of their skulls. When I asked whether they could get me a US International version of the Apple keyboard, I was asked what that meant. I explained this to three expectant, glowing faces as if it were a bloody Christmas carol. They conceded there was a difference between my story and what they had on display, but again I was confronted with the question why I would want this.

I began to wonder if they clone people and raise them isolated from the real world in order to fill the workfloor over at the Mac stores, because being so ignorant about a common keyboard layout is bordering on insanity. It's like working in a hospital and not know how to diagnose death because you happen to work in physiotherapy.

I then tried the online stores of Mac retailers. The one that advertised with US International keyboards in stock took 10 minutes on the phone to conclude that the site was not up to date, so the keyboards were not in stock after all. You'd think online stores do not work like that. Again, I was asked why on earth I wanted a US International layout. I was assured that the other person on the phone was totally a fan of the "regular" layout and that I should just get that one.

After several botched attempts to buy a sane Apple keyboard like this, I tried ordering through the Dutch Apple store, where the promised 24h shipping became "at least a week" upon checkout. This was several weeks later -not to mention a week before my trip to Surinam would ensue.

What the hell Apple? I want a keyboard that is happily advertised on your website -even the dutch version of that site. Yet everywhere I go, I get the same old question: why would I want the layout that is the de-facto layout that you can get anywhere else in the Netherlands? I would love to be able to do this without people wearing your polos looking at me like I'm asking for a Swahili manual for Windows XP printed in dog's blood on a young girl's skin.

I tried the tax-evasive way by having a US citizen ship me one to Surinam. Turned out even the shady way was not practical -the keyboard would probably arrive five weeks after I'd have left the country.

Fun fact: I can get a US International keyboard several minutes from here. It just won't be an Apple keyboard. Apple doesn't cover Surinam -both in sales and Applecare.